A better relationship with ourselves is something that we should all be striving for, not a perfect one but a better one.

If we really want to love ourselves and be our own best friends then there are a few or a dozen (depending on where you are on your self-love journey) of habits that we should quit.

If you find that you are guilty of some or all the bad habits that I’ve mentioned in this blog post, please do not beat yourself. Beating yourself up will actually hinder your relationship with yourself even more.

The aim of this blog post is to bring about awareness of your bad habits and inspire you to find ways to quit them. Keep that in mind while reading this.

Now that’s all said and done, let’s count down the bad habits that you should nip in the bud :

1. Self deprecating jokes :

I do not care how funny they are or how funny you think they are or how funny Suzie thinks they are.

I know you think they make you sound cool and totally comfortable with yourself but that’s not true. News flash, they actually make you sound insecure maybe because you are (Yes I went there!) I mean think about it, why do you make these jokes?? That’s right so that nobody gets the chance to make them.

Let’s say that you have a best friend let’s call her Malia (I’m reading Becoming so yeah that’s why that’s the first name that came to mind). Let’s say that you think Malia is stupid. Malia is not actually stupid it’s just your opinion. So every time you hang with people you make a joke about Malia’s stupidity before anybody gets the chance to. At least that’s what you tell yourself you are doing. How do you think Malia is going to feel about you making a joke about her being stupid in front of groups of people in the name of protecting her??

2. Breaking promises you made to yourself :

Breaking promises in general is not cool but especially promises that you made to yourself.

Continuously breaking promises that you make to yourself will cause an inner turmoil, trust me baby I know. I’ve been there. It leads you to not trust yourself which will lead to a whole range of other problems. Trust is the foundation of every relationship so it’s very important that you do not break promises that you make to yourself.

When you break a promise that you have made to yourself it is very painful and complicated because you are both the offender and the victim. You are the one who broke the promise and you’re also the victim of the broken promise. You will feel guilty, disgusted and disappointed of your behaviour while simultaneously feeling hurt and vulnerable. It’s not a great place to be in.

So, when you make a promise to yourself, keep it. Always show up for yourself and always choose you.

3. Lacking self-discipline :

Say what…??

I know hunny it’s a real shocker, it turns out discipline is not evil.

Self-discipline has been turned into this self-abuse thing. It has become synonymous with grinding and the whole toxic hustle culture but really it’s not.

Self-discipline is actually synonymous to self-love. Self-discipline is self-love because self-love can only be achieved through discipline. You will need self-discipline in order to show up for yourself and to keep the promises that you have made to yourself.

4. Not having boundaries :

This is one of the greatest ways that someone can deeply damage and put a strain on the relationship they have with themselves.

“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and yes when they mean it. They’re Compassionate because their boundaries keep their resentment out.”

Brené Brown

Boundaries are essential for your well being. It your responsibility to communicate your boundaries clearly. I think Unknown said it best when they said that boundaries without clear instructions are just suggestions. It is also your responsibility to uphold them and to speak up if they are ever broken.

5. Not standing up for yourself :

Speaking of boundaries being broken, let’s talk about not standing up for yourself.

This is also a huge one. Standing up for yourself is very important because people treat you how you allow them to. It is always your responsibility to stand up for yourself and to never let anyone walk all over you. You wouldn’t let them walk all over someone you love, now would you??

6. Staying in your comfort zone :

Forget about growth being outside your comfort zone, happiness is outside your comfort zone. We are always happy when we are growing and challenging ourselves.

Going outside your comfort zone will build a stronger relationship with yourself. It will make you trust yourself more.

7. Not letting yourself express your emotions :

I’m one to speak right??

It’s in the past now I promise that I’ve changed. I not only allow myself to feel my emotions, I also allow myself to express them as well.

There are a million reasons why you do not allow yourself to feel or express your emotions and they are all coming from your childhood. Sounds fun and adventurous.

This one is really, really, really, I mean extremely difficult to achieve. You know to be in a point in your life where you do you do not judge yourself for how you feel, you allow yourself to feel and you comfort yourself through it all. It is totally blissful and I wish everyone could reach this point.

8. Negative self-talk :

People usually say if you talked to a friend the way that you talk to yourself, that friend would be long gone. And they’ve hit the nail right in the head.

Stop bullying yourself. Be nice to yourself. Improve your self-talk. Talk to yourself with love and kindness, talk to yourself the way you’d talk to a baby.

9. Beating yourself up :

Who on God’s green Earth has never made a mistake. From saying that stupid thing in front of the whole class to leaving your hairdryer on and burning down your whole house.

Point is, we’ve all done some stupid things and things that we are not proud of. And that says nothing about us expect the fact that we are human. We will remain human so we will remain doing stupid things, it’s inevitable but what we want to change how we treat ourselves and talk to ourselves when we mess up.

Stop beating yourself up. Again stop bullying yourself. Give yourself compassion and empathy and grace. Strive for a relationship with yourself where the next time you fuck up an interview, you tell yourself it’s okay and that you tried your best. You acknowledge all the things you did wrong and how you could have done better (you do this nicely) you then appreciate the effort you put. You comfort yourself for doing badly and you go get ice cream.

11. Setting unrealistic expectations :

It’s always good to dream big and to set your expectations high. Actually you should not set your expectations high because that leads to disappointment but we are not talking about that are we??

I read somewhere that loving yourself means not setting unrealistic goals for yourself and I instantly felt busted. I was so guilty of this, what am I saying?? I am guilty of this. Don’t worry guys I’m working on it.

12. Comparing yourself :

Nothing good ever comes from, “I’m not as pretty as Tina.”

“I’ll never be as smart as Jakes”

Or my personal favourite :

“I am twenty-five years old this year and I have nothing going for me. I don’t have a wife, children, a house, a car. I’m not famous and I’m not a millionaire. My life sucks, I suck. Kylie Jenner is younger than me and she is super pretty, has a loving husband, has a beautiful daughter, is extremely famous and is filthy rich. Why can’t I be like her??”

13. Not appreciating yourself :

You are so quick to list everything that is wrong with you and all the things that you are bad at but you never take time to appreciate all the things that you are good at.

About last month I noticed that when I was reviewing my day or week I only paid attention and remembered all the things that I didn’t get done. I was always feeling like an underachieving piece of shit all the freakin time until people started telling me all these wonderful things about myself that I have never thought of before.

They were telling me that I am so good at managing my time. They were asking me how I manage to live such a balanced life, how I ace school but still have time to workout and read. They refused to believe that on top of everything I still manage to get enough sleep. I have never thought about those things before.

I did what anybody would have done in my situation. I went and bought a journal which I recommend you all do and at the end of each day, I write down things that I did that day and things that I am proud of myself for.

14. Not practicing self-care :

Building a stronger relationship with yourself means caring for yourself and caring for yourself means practicing self-care. And no I’m not only talking about face masks and bubble baths. I have a blog post dedicated to self care :

This is not what self-care looks like

Self-care is a really important piece of self-love.

15. Not spending time alone :

If you do not spend time with yourself, how can you expect to fall in love with the person you are.

Spend quality time with yourself and get to know and appreciate the amazing human being that you are. It will be uncomfortable at first but I promise it gets better. I think this blog post might help you out :

How often do you talk to yourself??

I hope you didn’t beat yourself up. I hope you spoke nicely to yourself when you realized that you are guilty of doing any of the things mentioned in this blog post. I wish you luck on your self-love journey. Stay amazing and curious.

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to go.”

Kristen Neff