Many people think that they love themselves. They swear that they do and nothing and no one can ever change that. What if they’re lying??

Self-Love is one of those things that you will never truly possess, that you will never fully own. Self-Love is journey, so what if you’re lying to yourself about where you are in this journey??

What is self-love??

According to Brain & Behaviour Research Foundation :

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

Simply put, self-love is loving one’s own self.

Let’s take it a step further and talk about unconditional self-love.

Unconditional self-love means loving ourselves unconditionally.

The love that we show to ourselves can be conditional and shallow. If you only love yourself when it’s sunshine and rainbows but the moment thunderstorms attack you become your worst enemy then I’m sorry but you don’t really love yourself.

Truly loving yourself means loving all the ugly parts of yourself, loving yourself on bad days and loving yourself when you mess up. It literally means loving yourself no matter what. Loving yourself without conditions.

It means loving yourself when you fail that test, when you gain all the weight you lost last year, when you say that stupid thing in front of the whole class and when you get back with that ex that you probably should never contact again.

It means loving yourself when you think you are ugly, when you feel lazy and unproductive and when you don’t get the results that you want. Basically, it means loving yourself through all the seasons of life.

Shallow self-love VS Deep self-love :

I don’t exactly how much of a thing this is but I have found that there are two types of self-love : shallow self-love & deep self-love

• Shallow self-love is the perception that you do love yourself but when in reality you do not. This is more common than you think. People who love themselves in this manner usually practice conditional love. They have attached conditions to when they can love themselves. They act like they love themselves and most of the time they do but when things get rough they start singing a different song. And worse of all they are not even aware of this.

They behave like those friends who are are always there for your highs. Those friends you celebrate your success with. Those friends who also want to reap the benefits of your hard work without actually doing any work or giving you support. They want you to promote their products and business on your blog when they have never even read your blog.

The people who love themselves conditionally do not even recognize that they are doing this. They are out here thinking they love themselves when in reality…

Symptoms Of Shallow Self-love :

🔷 Occasional negative self-talk

This is so subtle that you probably won’t realize that you are doing it. This can come in the form of beating yourself up and calling yourself names when you mess up. You may think that you are disciplining yourself or setting yourself straight but it is straight up bullying.

“I hate myself”, “I’m so stupid” , “”I am not good enough”

If you sometimes find yourself saying these hurtful words to yourself then you might want to rethink your relationship with yourself.

🔷 Only loving yourself when others love you :

If how much you love yourself or if you love yourself is dependent on what other people think about you. You are constantly seeking outside validation to feel good about yourself. If you only love yourself when others love you then that is a real problem.

🔷 Lack of self-awareness :

Knowing yourself is not only about knowing your favourite colour and how you prefer your coffee. It is so much deeper than that. Truly knowing yourself means knowing your attachment style, your values, the things that are important to you, knowing your stand on certain topics, knowing your shortcomings & noticing the sound of your laughter. It’s about really digging deep into the person you truly are. After all, to know thyself is to love thyself.

People who love themselves conditionally usually love one about themselves. They usually use that thing as their identity. For example, they love that they’re smart or that they are pretty. They mistake their appreciation for their looks with self-love just like we mistake being attracted to someone with being in love with them. If you take away the thing that they appreciate about themselves, they struggle to love themselves.

Deep self-love :

Deep self-love is unlike anything you have ever experienced before. It is warm and fuzzy. It is like drinking a warm cup of chocolate milk on a cold, rainy day while wrapping yourself on a warm fuzzy blanket.

This type of self-love is understanding, patient, kind, empathetic and is always there.

This type of love is steady, it is never ending and it is unconditional.

I am not implying that this kind of self-love is perfect because it is far from it. Yes, you will still have bad days and you will still wake up and not feel good about yourself. But there is a significant difference between shallow self-love and deep self-love, when you truly, truly love yourself you will feel that difference.

If you are 1000% sure that nothing that you can ever do or say will make you hate yourself. When you trust yourself to make decisions and you know that you pull through if things don’t turn out the way you want them to. When you know that you are enough just the way you are, now you won’t always feel this way or know that you are enough but you try to remind yourself as often as you can.

When you speak kindly to yourself most of the time. When you love yourself even after losing your job or getting dumped by your girlfriend of seven years. During those hard times you don’t have to be like so in love with yourself but you don’t hate yourself either. You don’t leave yourself when you need yourself most.

When you experience this type of love you recognize that you are human, you are imperfect and that that’s perfectly okay. You recognize that you will never be perfect and you don’t expect yourself to be.

Becoming someone you love is a journey, it is never ending.

Like all things truly loving yourself requires a lot of time, energy and patience. It took me a whole fifteen years to be able to truly, truly say yes I do love myself.

I have been thinking about this a lot so I thought that I should this with you guys. What do you think about this?? Is it the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard or is it exactly what you needed to hear??